it’s so funny to get anon messages like “ur so cute” cause i know you are saying that because you saw a picture of me of when i was looking good but rn im literally laying on a couch eating ham and my hair looks like sasuke’s
also today some kid mentioned the red hot chili peppers and i was like “oh i love that band” and they were like “oh yeah name five songs by them” and i listed five of my favourites and he hesitated and then said “maybe you do like them”
Why is it on a pieCE OF CHEESE
Why do you make your senteNCES CAPITALIZED AS THEY PROGRESS
because it proviDES A SENSE OF SUDDEN ANGER/REALIZATION
people who unironically use multiple exclamation points in texts are the cutest fucking thing omfg. even mundane things are made cuter like “just got on the bus!!!! will be home soon!!!” like yeAH UR ON THE BUS U BIG CUTIE. I WILL SEE U AT HOME. LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET.
I really fucking hate it when guys act like marriage is literally the end of their lives like if it’s so fucking bad, and you hate it so much, don’t get fucking married and put your spouse through hell because you’re shit. If you feel trapped you’re doing it wrong.
me: i want something very short and small and cutesy but most importantly body safe and discreet
sex toy companies: try the DEVASTATORSEVENTY THREE INCHES OF PURE JELLY RUBBERHYPER REALISTIC VEINS WE SHOWED IT TO A NUN ONCE AND SHE BURST INTO FLAMES THERE’S ONLY ONE SETTING: DEVASTATION THE VIBRATIONS CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE MILLIONS ARE DEAD
whenever i have those brutal searing being-dissolved-from-inside period cramps during school or work i pretend i am a viking warlord who has been stabbed in the abdomen but i killed the assailant so i’m the only one who knows im injured and i have to carry on normally til the end of the battle to keep up my mens morale